I want to go on record by saying I have seen approximately 1/2 of an episode of Lost. Ever.
But that does not mean that my ideas don't have any ground to stand on. I am, after all, freaking awesome, and anything that comes out of my brain should probably be patented.
Suggestion 1:
Space. Everything is better if it happens in space. Maybe the island (islands are retarded btw) should have been some kind of derelict space ship from like 10,000 years ago. People eat that shit up.
Suggestion 2:
Maybe not so much of the drama. Stop acting like you are concerned about trivial shit when you are on an island fighting for your survival. Heros did the same shit. You have an effing superpower! Stop trying to decide what is the "moral thing to do" and start flying around battling each other and/or evil. Ok, this one is more about Heros than Lost. Maybe lost should have had some superpowers thrown in there.
Suggestion 3:
Superpowers!
Suggestion 4:
So, apparently (and I am hearing this word-of-mouth since the 1/2 of an episode I watched was from season 1) the whole thing was a purgetory type deal? Really? So that's it? Good guys, go through the door labeled heaven, bad guys, please proceed down the hall to the stairway to hell. (Maybe the stairway should be to heaven. Whatever).
Here is a much better, and exponentially more satisfying way to finish of the Lost series: Dinosaurs. No. Dinosaur. Just one. You can still have a 2 hour episode where the whole thing is just building up to something epic in the last 15 minutes. Everyone will be like "OMG, questions finally answered after this commercial break." Thats when the dinosaur comes out.
BAM! He just starts eating everyone til they are dead. All of them. That way we can all rest easy knowing that the series will never be resurrected when the creators run out of money.
Oh and the dinosaur is definitely going to be wearing a t-shirt. Just to throw everyone off. Its bad enough that a random dinosaur kills your show into submission, but a dinosaur in a t-shirt is, in my opinion, the perfect slap in the face.
David
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
They could at least call it the "I'm gonna rape you" Bill
“The Department of Education seeks to restrict access to our programs by redefining the idea of what constitutes Gainful Employment in a recognized occupation for purposes of Title IV student loan eligibility. This new regulation would treat career college students as separate and inherently unequal. In addition, the newly proposed regulation draft would limit access to programs for over 300,000 students like us and curtail postsecondary training for students in high growth employment fields including health care. In difficult economic times, President Obama has asked America to have the most postsecondary graduates of any nation in the world by 2020. The rule proposed by the Department of Education is at odds with this goal.”
-Studentsforacademicchoice.org
Interesting how the Health Care Reform Bill could have anything to do with student loans and the education of our country. This fact alone should make people cautious of what exactly this bill contains. If you have to sneak this into something entirely different and just hope people don’t really read it, then maybe you are doing something you wouldn’t want your mom to find out about.
This is completely ridiculous and it makes me wonder sometimes how far out there the terrorists are. Ok, maybe I don’t exactly agree that everyone in America should die. Sorry terrorists, but I do wholeheartedly agree with the fact that this country does need a pretty deep cleansing which I don’t see happening anytime soon. We’ll get to that another time…
Here is what is happening, in a nutshell. The Dept. of Education no runs Sallie Mae, who handled a good majority of people’s student loans. Result: thousands of Sallie Mae employees are going to be collecting unemployment and, the government now controls the primary source of loans for most people trying to go to school. Let’s be honest here, college tuition is ridiculous. No, it is beyond ridiculous, and the costs keep rising above the rate of inflation. People who can afford to pay for tuition up front is diminishing rapidly.
Cool, so now a group of individuals, who do not give two shits about us, are in charge of whether or not we will get the support available to make a better future. Nothing to worry about right? Ha. There is talk out now that they will withhold funding of students loans to private institutions, i.e. ITT-Tech University of Phoenix, etc. You can still go to a public school and get a hit-or-miss education, depending on who you are (If you have the drive and motivation to reach further and learn for yourself, then public education will be fine. If you prefer to do whatever is required to pass a class with a C and do nothing more, you are fucked. Thanks for playing).
Let’s talk about the numbers:
University of Phoenix has 391,145 total students.
ITT-Tech has approximately 70,000 students.
The economic impact of Private Colleges:
- Had estimated revenues of $134 billion in 2004.
- As these dollars work their way through local economies, their effect is multiplied into a cumulative economic impact of $335 billion.
- Employs 750,000 people nationwide.
How many private colleges are out there?
- There are 1,600 private, nonprofit institutions nationwide. Half of the nonprofit colleges and universities in the United States are private. They enroll 3.4 million students.
So tell me where the downside of people going to a private college is? Please, because I don’t see it. I understand that the government would love to just give loans to people going to their schools, but the government is full of assholes.
Looking at a worst case scenario here we see the government cutting all funding for student loans going to private colleges. After that happens students at those schools have two options: start paying to finish their degree out of pocket or through other means (second mortgage), or, they can transfer to a public school and get their student loans there. The downside of the latter option is most credits from private do not transfer to public.
“Sorry students, time to start over. Oh, and you still owe us all the money for the time spent at the private college I more or less forced you out of. Go fuck yourself, sincerely, the government.”
The above statement is a sample apology letter from our government after this happens.
Alright so that is the students, but what about the colleges themselves and their estimated 750,000 employees. Off the top of my head I can think of a couple scenarios that are not too farfetched. One, the colleges will begin with massive budget cuts and layoffs (further damning the education of our children). This is if the businesses can stay afloat anyway, I imagine most would not be able to survive very long since most of their clientele now has no choice but to go to the other guy. Another thing that could inevitably happen is the sinking colleges could raise their tuition exponentially, which would just tighten the noose around their necks even further.
Sounds like a lose-lose situation to me. But what do I know; I am not a limp-dicked politician that is indirectly stealing the food from my children’s mouth. You shouldn’t listen to me; listen to those assholes when they feed you lines about how this is going to help people.
If there was a bill that passed that made it so you could only get a car loan for a Chevy and you had to pay cash for a Ford do you think there is any chance in hell that that would pass? What is the difference in what we’re talking about with the student loans? Nothing.
Websites where I got my numbers:
Collegesearch.collegeboard.com – Search UOP.
ITT-Tech.edu
NAICU.com
-Studentsforacademicchoice.org
Interesting how the Health Care Reform Bill could have anything to do with student loans and the education of our country. This fact alone should make people cautious of what exactly this bill contains. If you have to sneak this into something entirely different and just hope people don’t really read it, then maybe you are doing something you wouldn’t want your mom to find out about.
This is completely ridiculous and it makes me wonder sometimes how far out there the terrorists are. Ok, maybe I don’t exactly agree that everyone in America should die. Sorry terrorists, but I do wholeheartedly agree with the fact that this country does need a pretty deep cleansing which I don’t see happening anytime soon. We’ll get to that another time…
Here is what is happening, in a nutshell. The Dept. of Education no runs Sallie Mae, who handled a good majority of people’s student loans. Result: thousands of Sallie Mae employees are going to be collecting unemployment and, the government now controls the primary source of loans for most people trying to go to school. Let’s be honest here, college tuition is ridiculous. No, it is beyond ridiculous, and the costs keep rising above the rate of inflation. People who can afford to pay for tuition up front is diminishing rapidly.
Cool, so now a group of individuals, who do not give two shits about us, are in charge of whether or not we will get the support available to make a better future. Nothing to worry about right? Ha. There is talk out now that they will withhold funding of students loans to private institutions, i.e. ITT-Tech University of Phoenix, etc. You can still go to a public school and get a hit-or-miss education, depending on who you are (If you have the drive and motivation to reach further and learn for yourself, then public education will be fine. If you prefer to do whatever is required to pass a class with a C and do nothing more, you are fucked. Thanks for playing).
Let’s talk about the numbers:
University of Phoenix has 391,145 total students.
ITT-Tech has approximately 70,000 students.
The economic impact of Private Colleges:
- Had estimated revenues of $134 billion in 2004.
- As these dollars work their way through local economies, their effect is multiplied into a cumulative economic impact of $335 billion.
- Employs 750,000 people nationwide.
How many private colleges are out there?
- There are 1,600 private, nonprofit institutions nationwide. Half of the nonprofit colleges and universities in the United States are private. They enroll 3.4 million students.
So tell me where the downside of people going to a private college is? Please, because I don’t see it. I understand that the government would love to just give loans to people going to their schools, but the government is full of assholes.
Looking at a worst case scenario here we see the government cutting all funding for student loans going to private colleges. After that happens students at those schools have two options: start paying to finish their degree out of pocket or through other means (second mortgage), or, they can transfer to a public school and get their student loans there. The downside of the latter option is most credits from private do not transfer to public.
“Sorry students, time to start over. Oh, and you still owe us all the money for the time spent at the private college I more or less forced you out of. Go fuck yourself, sincerely, the government.”
The above statement is a sample apology letter from our government after this happens.
Alright so that is the students, but what about the colleges themselves and their estimated 750,000 employees. Off the top of my head I can think of a couple scenarios that are not too farfetched. One, the colleges will begin with massive budget cuts and layoffs (further damning the education of our children). This is if the businesses can stay afloat anyway, I imagine most would not be able to survive very long since most of their clientele now has no choice but to go to the other guy. Another thing that could inevitably happen is the sinking colleges could raise their tuition exponentially, which would just tighten the noose around their necks even further.
Sounds like a lose-lose situation to me. But what do I know; I am not a limp-dicked politician that is indirectly stealing the food from my children’s mouth. You shouldn’t listen to me; listen to those assholes when they feed you lines about how this is going to help people.
If there was a bill that passed that made it so you could only get a car loan for a Chevy and you had to pay cash for a Ford do you think there is any chance in hell that that would pass? What is the difference in what we’re talking about with the student loans? Nothing.
Websites where I got my numbers:
Collegesearch.collegeboard.com – Search UOP.
ITT-Tech.edu
NAICU.com
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I can't believe I haven't taken the time to tell you what I am about to tell you. I have been pretty busy with being epic, but still, my bad.
This happened late last year, somewhere around Christmas. I was on my way home from something probably awesome and Obama started blowing up my phone. I pressed the eff you button the first time because that guy does not stop talking and I was rocking out to Metallica. He called back again so I reluctantly answered. We shot the shit for a bit and then he was like, "yo, I need you to go fight terror in space for me. Those fuckin' terrorists are at it again. Terrorists, right? Jesus.."
I was like, "aight" and proceeded to call home to let them know I was about to save their lives again from evil. This was all business-as-usual so Tamye was cool with it.
Anyway, fast forward to me flying a helicopter to that place where NASA launches shit into space. Two things to note here: I can't remember where NASA is. Texas? Whatever, geography is retarded. Also, I was flying the chopper because I ride shotgun to no man.
Obama met me at the super secret rocket launcher place. I was in kind of a foul mood since you are not allowed to smoke cigars in space, so we didn't exchange very many words. He handed me a bunch of grenades and guns and then had to bail. Something about the economy was his excuse. Heard that before, right?
Fast-forward again. I am in space now, approaching the moon, and of course I was the one flying. If you weren't paying attention before then this might surprise you. Of course to the untrained eye it looked like our regular boring moon. Sitting there, not contributing to society in the least bit. I am an expert and not letting the terrorists win however, so I had no trouble finding their stinky caves.
I was rounding the corner about to start my bloody murder filled spelunking trip when two brown shapes moved to my right. (don't be racist, you will soon find out that the brown I am referring to has nothing to do with nationality).
Space-Bears!!
Jesus Christ... I thought that the terrorists had used the last card they had up there sleeves when they decided blowing their own soldiers up was a great idea. These were bears with jet packs and lasers strapped to their gnarly-ass paws!
I was at a disadvantage. Not because a bear could kick my ass. Fuck bears. I, being the forgetful person I am, left my stupid jet-pack in my backyard on Earth.
I knew there was only one way out of this inconvenient situation. I pulled out my cigar and started oozing superiority and disdain for everything that is not me. (Yes, I brought my cigar, I don't care about space physics). The space-bears halted mid-float-in-space and immediately felt like total jackasses for even letting the terrorists catch them in the first place.
*BTW, I am also a world-renowned bear whisperer which will explain how this next part is possible.*
I talked to the bears for awhile, letting them know that because of my vast amounts of grace and generosity, I would let them tag along while I purge the rest of the moon of the terrorist threat. They were obviously down with some revenge-murder so we were off, finally starting our journey through the vast network of moon caves.
Two words: Effing boring.
Seriously, you fight terror for as long as I have and you start to wonder if there is a better job out there.
To summarize the purge:
Terrorist: 0
Me: 1
Space-Bears: Awesome.
Back to Earth we went. I obviously got home a little late, Tamye and G were asleep. I let the bears crash in the back yard, stressing to them how badly I would cut them if they stole any of my shit. I ate a quick dinner of scotch and steak then went to sleep.
I woke up to Tamye screaming. Whoops, probably should have left a post-it note on the back door about the bears. I tried to let her know it was cool and these bears weren't like the other bears I've brought home.
Nope.
She wasn't having it so I had to tell the Space-Bears! to leave.
Bullshit.
David.
This happened late last year, somewhere around Christmas. I was on my way home from something probably awesome and Obama started blowing up my phone. I pressed the eff you button the first time because that guy does not stop talking and I was rocking out to Metallica. He called back again so I reluctantly answered. We shot the shit for a bit and then he was like, "yo, I need you to go fight terror in space for me. Those fuckin' terrorists are at it again. Terrorists, right? Jesus.."
I was like, "aight" and proceeded to call home to let them know I was about to save their lives again from evil. This was all business-as-usual so Tamye was cool with it.
Anyway, fast forward to me flying a helicopter to that place where NASA launches shit into space. Two things to note here: I can't remember where NASA is. Texas? Whatever, geography is retarded. Also, I was flying the chopper because I ride shotgun to no man.
Obama met me at the super secret rocket launcher place. I was in kind of a foul mood since you are not allowed to smoke cigars in space, so we didn't exchange very many words. He handed me a bunch of grenades and guns and then had to bail. Something about the economy was his excuse. Heard that before, right?
Fast-forward again. I am in space now, approaching the moon, and of course I was the one flying. If you weren't paying attention before then this might surprise you. Of course to the untrained eye it looked like our regular boring moon. Sitting there, not contributing to society in the least bit. I am an expert and not letting the terrorists win however, so I had no trouble finding their stinky caves.
I was rounding the corner about to start my bloody murder filled spelunking trip when two brown shapes moved to my right. (don't be racist, you will soon find out that the brown I am referring to has nothing to do with nationality).
Space-Bears!!
Jesus Christ... I thought that the terrorists had used the last card they had up there sleeves when they decided blowing their own soldiers up was a great idea. These were bears with jet packs and lasers strapped to their gnarly-ass paws!
I was at a disadvantage. Not because a bear could kick my ass. Fuck bears. I, being the forgetful person I am, left my stupid jet-pack in my backyard on Earth.
I knew there was only one way out of this inconvenient situation. I pulled out my cigar and started oozing superiority and disdain for everything that is not me. (Yes, I brought my cigar, I don't care about space physics). The space-bears halted mid-float-in-space and immediately felt like total jackasses for even letting the terrorists catch them in the first place.
*BTW, I am also a world-renowned bear whisperer which will explain how this next part is possible.*
I talked to the bears for awhile, letting them know that because of my vast amounts of grace and generosity, I would let them tag along while I purge the rest of the moon of the terrorist threat. They were obviously down with some revenge-murder so we were off, finally starting our journey through the vast network of moon caves.
Two words: Effing boring.
Seriously, you fight terror for as long as I have and you start to wonder if there is a better job out there.
To summarize the purge:
Terrorist: 0
Me: 1
Space-Bears: Awesome.
Back to Earth we went. I obviously got home a little late, Tamye and G were asleep. I let the bears crash in the back yard, stressing to them how badly I would cut them if they stole any of my shit. I ate a quick dinner of scotch and steak then went to sleep.
I woke up to Tamye screaming. Whoops, probably should have left a post-it note on the back door about the bears. I tried to let her know it was cool and these bears weren't like the other bears I've brought home.
Nope.
She wasn't having it so I had to tell the Space-Bears! to leave.
Bullshit.
David.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I won.
Here is a gripping tale of what happens when I am in a foul mood and you try to ring my doorbell at 8:30PM to try to sell me shit:
I am not going to lie. Lately, I have been something akin to an asshole. Ask Tamye and she will adamantly confirm this statement. Regardless of the rainclouds, I am still a very level headed and reasonable person, which is why I am completely right in this situation.
I am in bed, Grayson just went to sleep, and thank god for that because he was being particularly grumpy that night. Out of no where my less-fat beagle Walter starts howling in the living room, putting the odds of G waking up very very high. Obviously this irked me slightly so I calmly got out of bed and scolded the dog (also very calmly). Walter just could not be swayed from his hate and that's when I noticed the pale gentleman standing retardedly outside my front door. I say retardedly because just looking at him you can tell he was completely retarded.
I open the front door and he starts his pitch without me even saying a word to him.
A quick side note, I think I am wearing only boxers and possibly a wife beater. If I was a door-to-door salesman and someone answered the door like that, I would probably ask if there was a better time to talk.
I gave him all of 3.5 seconds and kindly asked him to get the f*ck out of my house (or something like that. I know the expletive was used, I just don't remember which sentence i used it in).
He left, I went back to bed where I was immediately given a hard time about my poor treatment of other humans. Well, blood pressure boiling at this point, I decided to do the man thing and poor myself some scotch and read a book in my study*.
*Orange juice and back patio, actually.
It was dark out, and a little chilly, so I had my hood up, thus unfortunately letting my guard slightly down. The sales-douche approached front behind and had me in a choke hold before I could set my scotch down on my mahogany coffee table. With cigar and scotch finally in their proper places I was able to uppercut his urethra, thus disabling him just long enough for me to pick him up with my left arm (my right arm decided I needed another sip of my scotch) and throwing him through our sliding glass door. Tamye came rushing out in her lacy nightie to see who I was beating up this time. The salesman made a quick recovery and grabbed a glass shard and rushed towards my wife. I would be having none of that so I quickly grabbed one of the katana's I keep above the fireplace and chopped off his doorbell ringing hand.
Tamye had obviously fainted (due to her delicate lady-heart and all) so I scooped her up and placed her back into bed. During this minor distraction that salesman stole my cigar and was making a break for the property line! I fetched my trusty steed and the chase was on!
To make an already long story shorter, I know have a head mounted above my katana's, which are above the fireplace, if you weren't listening.
Believe it or not, Tamye is still disappointed in how I treated the salesman. I was in my boxers and a wife-beaters riding a horse while waiving a katana above my head and I'm the asshole??
David.
I am not going to lie. Lately, I have been something akin to an asshole. Ask Tamye and she will adamantly confirm this statement. Regardless of the rainclouds, I am still a very level headed and reasonable person, which is why I am completely right in this situation.
I am in bed, Grayson just went to sleep, and thank god for that because he was being particularly grumpy that night. Out of no where my less-fat beagle Walter starts howling in the living room, putting the odds of G waking up very very high. Obviously this irked me slightly so I calmly got out of bed and scolded the dog (also very calmly). Walter just could not be swayed from his hate and that's when I noticed the pale gentleman standing retardedly outside my front door. I say retardedly because just looking at him you can tell he was completely retarded.
I open the front door and he starts his pitch without me even saying a word to him.
A quick side note, I think I am wearing only boxers and possibly a wife beater. If I was a door-to-door salesman and someone answered the door like that, I would probably ask if there was a better time to talk.
I gave him all of 3.5 seconds and kindly asked him to get the f*ck out of my house (or something like that. I know the expletive was used, I just don't remember which sentence i used it in).
He left, I went back to bed where I was immediately given a hard time about my poor treatment of other humans. Well, blood pressure boiling at this point, I decided to do the man thing and poor myself some scotch and read a book in my study*.
*Orange juice and back patio, actually.
It was dark out, and a little chilly, so I had my hood up, thus unfortunately letting my guard slightly down. The sales-douche approached front behind and had me in a choke hold before I could set my scotch down on my mahogany coffee table. With cigar and scotch finally in their proper places I was able to uppercut his urethra, thus disabling him just long enough for me to pick him up with my left arm (my right arm decided I needed another sip of my scotch) and throwing him through our sliding glass door. Tamye came rushing out in her lacy nightie to see who I was beating up this time. The salesman made a quick recovery and grabbed a glass shard and rushed towards my wife. I would be having none of that so I quickly grabbed one of the katana's I keep above the fireplace and chopped off his doorbell ringing hand.
Tamye had obviously fainted (due to her delicate lady-heart and all) so I scooped her up and placed her back into bed. During this minor distraction that salesman stole my cigar and was making a break for the property line! I fetched my trusty steed and the chase was on!
To make an already long story shorter, I know have a head mounted above my katana's, which are above the fireplace, if you weren't listening.
Believe it or not, Tamye is still disappointed in how I treated the salesman. I was in my boxers and a wife-beaters riding a horse while waiving a katana above my head and I'm the asshole??
David.
What to expect
Ok,
This is my own personal space where I will be telling you completely true and unedited stories about my life. This website is mostly the result of my lovely wife, who really does have the patience of a saint, getting tired of all the totally true stories I tell her on an hourly basis. I am pretty sure that it isn't so much that she doesn't like to hear them, it is just too much for her to handle. They are just that awesome.
More to come later.
David.
This is my own personal space where I will be telling you completely true and unedited stories about my life. This website is mostly the result of my lovely wife, who really does have the patience of a saint, getting tired of all the totally true stories I tell her on an hourly basis. I am pretty sure that it isn't so much that she doesn't like to hear them, it is just too much for her to handle. They are just that awesome.
More to come later.
David.
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